On Losing

I've done more than my fair share of losing at sports in my life. I've had some success, too.... and recently, I've been lucky enough to be working some guys who are enjoying a nice string of wins. 'The Streak' will, inevitably, come to an end, and when it does, I hope I can remember a few of the things I have learned as a Loser.

1.  Losing doesn't make me a loser. Winning doesn't make me a winner. Winning and losing are relative - HOW you win and HOW you lose - your character - is what matters most. I've known great players on poor teams. I've knows guys that are dead weight on championship teams. The guys I've respected most are the guys who could win or lose and act with class either way. Rudyard Kipling said "If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same; yours is the earth and everything that's in it". That makes a lot more sense to me than a boy being raised by monkeys and a dancing bear.

2.  For 99.9% of the people in the world - and definitely everyone I know - the result just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I mean, literally - it means nothing. Does it mean a lot to me RIGHT NOW? Yes, of course. People who choose to participate in competitive sport do so because they want to compete and (more often than not), to win. It matters enough in the short term to give up hours, days weeks in preparation, and it matters enough that it hurts when the result doesn't go my way. But...c'mon! It's a game. In my case, most often it's a minority sport being played in the backwoods of nowhere by a relatively small handful of people. Hardly the cure for cancer, my daughters' smile, or my family's health. Please do not misunderstand me: I play to win and I really HATE losing. Ask my wife, or anyone that has played a board game with me. Ever. But win or lose, I should (eventually) be able to joke with and be joked about without getting too upset. It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, you know? Yes with the Frozen reference.

3.  As good as I think I am, and as deserved a winner as I think I've been, some people will enjoy me losing. Now, that's probably down to a combination of a couple of things. Firstly, I probably am not that good and not that deserving, I have probably not been the perfect sport at every opportunity, and some people will feel a genuine and justified dislike for me and what I've tried to do - regardless of whether I've tried to do it 'right'. Even if I was the perfect sportsman, my (or our) success has necessarily come at the expense of others, and some of those others will be laughing when I fall. And that's OK. And that's the second thing: people who make light of me losing aren't necessarily calling me a loser. Some are, but most are probably just joking around because they are aware of (1) and (2), above. They may have a great deal of respect for what I (we) have accomplished. They may even be trying to emulate that success, and using us as a template of good practice. None of that is dimished by the fact that they crack a joke at my expense. Knowing (1) and (2), it stands to reason that if I can't (eventually) laugh about my successes and my failures, I need to find a different hobby.

I say this the morning after the night before, when the team I'm currently involved with achieved a significant milestone for them, and when another local team that has enjoyed a lot of success in the past few years saw an impressive streak of theirs come to an end in exciting fashion. I ribbed them slightly, because we rib each other. I did not say it with malice or cruel intent - I said it because I truly believe (1) and (2). As such, I have been both the joker and jokee, the winner and the loser, and I hope I manage more often than not to handle both with some degree of respectability. If I haven't, I can only apologise for my humanity and all its imperfections (including my stubborn immaturity) and suggest that we all chill the fuck out. Peace (drops mic).